When I got pregnant with H1 I was very excited. I found out she was a little girl and I was both worried and excited. Most people would not describe me as a girly girl and frequently use words like tomboy or jock. How was I going to be able to be a mom to a little girl? I hoped that she would just be a little cuddle bug and would be happy with me as her mom even though I cant braid hair and don't really appreciate barbie dolls. After she was born she slowly started showing C and I that she was going to be a very independent little soul. I wasn't sure how long this would last or if it had something to do with me as a parent. I continued to hope that she would just change into this little cuddle crazy kid and love sitting with me reading books or watching movies.
As she continued to grow we had to put her into an in home daycare. At first she was one of two kids, but after a bit we went to a bigger place. She still wasn't very cuddly and I then attributed it to the fact that she couldn't be held all the time. We finally decided it was good to have such an independent kiddo. She didn't "need" us all the time which meant we could still do our own stuff. She didn't need to be held all the time so we could have babysitters watch her and they said she was so easy and absolutely delightful. I accepted that this was the way we wanted it to be.
We then had H2 and I figured, oh its a boy he wont be cuddly just like his sister wasn't cuddly. When he came home H1 sometimes became cuddly out of jealousy. She didn't change much she just requested a little more time from us, which made a lot of sense to me. My son on the other hand always wanted to be held. He isn't the annoying "cant put the kid down or he will cry" kind of child. He is just a great cuddler. We will all be sitting around watching a tv show or a movie and he just climbs right up and wants to be held. He will be playing with toys and find a book and bring it right up to you, look you in the eyes, drop the book in your lap and sit down on your lap and say "book".
Now that H1 is turning 3 next Friday and H2 is 1.5 yrs old as of yesterday, I am realizing that again, I have no idea what I am doing or what I am talking about when it comes to the kids. I thought I would have a cuddle bug girl and I have a cuddle bug boy. I thought my kids would be slow to start talking and I have two walking talking crazy people that sometimes tell stories I cant even pretend to fathom. My little boy, the lovey cuddler, is also a crazy lunatic when it comes to climbing on everything and my little girl, the independent pumpkin, is also my fellow parent and daily assistant. They both make me smile multiple times each day and remind me that even though I am just making this mommy thing up as I go, I'm doing a pretty good job.
I have two amazing kids that frequently come up and say "i wuv you mommy" and look up at me and say, "I want to hold you". I have two amazing little people that say "I wuv you" to each other before naps and bedtime and share books and toys and play together a lot during the day. I have my little cuddle boy and my independent little sweet girl and I couldn't be happier with how wrong I was about both of them before.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
So fortunate...
One of my friends on FB "liked" a link about a boy who died playing sports. I decided to read it to try and understand why he "liked" the link. The story goes that a 16 yr old star athlete collapsed after making the game winning basket and later died upon arriving at the hospital. They don't know the cause for why he died yet. I then read a bunch of comments below the article by random readers which mainly entailed a fight about someones belief about if there is a God or not and whether people should be praying for this poor kids family and whom they should pray to. It was ridiculous.
Anyhow, I then checked my email and found a note from a cousin of mine. Quick back story, they have 4 boys ranging from 6 yrs to 19yrs old. 2 of the boys are very healthy, one is partially blind and has seizures frequently and one of them has a disease that is yet to be determined or understood. They frequently travel back and forth to a hospital on the east coast trying to determine what is going on with their youngest boy. As I was saying, I received an email about the boys today and its more struggle. The youngest has pneumonia and will need steroids and more drugs and they are hoping to keep him out of the hospital. The other boy is possibly going permanently blind in both eyes and his brain is changing in ways that aren't positive causing him more and more seizures (I don't quite understand so please forgive me).
It absolutely breaks my heart to hear of young kids hurt or sick or dying. Many friends of mine deal with different issues from weight gain or lack there of, hospital visits frequent or rare, broken bones, cancers and much more. I think on days like today I just sit back and watch my kids and I am so thankful. Whether it is to God or to genetics or to luck, I don't know. I think things happen to everyone at different degrees and how we all get through it shows the type of people we are or will be. My kids are healthy and happy and I am so fortunate. We have our mishaps here and there, but on the whole we are very lucky. I wish everyone can say that, and those that cant I hope they know there are people all around them that cant wait to help however they can.
Anyhow, I then checked my email and found a note from a cousin of mine. Quick back story, they have 4 boys ranging from 6 yrs to 19yrs old. 2 of the boys are very healthy, one is partially blind and has seizures frequently and one of them has a disease that is yet to be determined or understood. They frequently travel back and forth to a hospital on the east coast trying to determine what is going on with their youngest boy. As I was saying, I received an email about the boys today and its more struggle. The youngest has pneumonia and will need steroids and more drugs and they are hoping to keep him out of the hospital. The other boy is possibly going permanently blind in both eyes and his brain is changing in ways that aren't positive causing him more and more seizures (I don't quite understand so please forgive me).
It absolutely breaks my heart to hear of young kids hurt or sick or dying. Many friends of mine deal with different issues from weight gain or lack there of, hospital visits frequent or rare, broken bones, cancers and much more. I think on days like today I just sit back and watch my kids and I am so thankful. Whether it is to God or to genetics or to luck, I don't know. I think things happen to everyone at different degrees and how we all get through it shows the type of people we are or will be. My kids are healthy and happy and I am so fortunate. We have our mishaps here and there, but on the whole we are very lucky. I wish everyone can say that, and those that cant I hope they know there are people all around them that cant wait to help however they can.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
my sweet little stinkers
Every once in a while I worry I am not cut out for this stay at home mom gig. Don't get me wrong, I am way in love with my kids and I enjoy watching them grow and knowing what they are doing each day. However, I have hit a few bumps in the road for many different reasons.
First and foremost, I have found grownup time with other people is a definite must. I started going to Zumba which is only 1 hr three times a week and I am already a happier person. Even time with C is tough because he needs to spend time with the kids too so finding our moments has become both more challenging and more special in some ways.
Another issue I'm facing is going from being a well respected professional who could always find an answer or solution to being this lost female trying very hard not to mess up my kids. I used to be pretty good at my craft and I worked very hard at that for 7+ straight years. Now I am causing tantrums, hollering for kids to stay in bed, cleaning up the same sq foot of my house 10x per day and losing my mind sometimes. How could I have been so accomplished at one point in my life.
Finally, since we moved to a small town and I have moved 2x in 8 months (and am looking at another move to a different house in the same area soon) I feel a little lost here as well. A lot of our stuff is still in boxes (probably the best thing we did) and I forget where some things are at different points in my day/month. I am still looking for items I last saw in Yuma two months ago ... UGH! That coupled with having to learn a new place and where to go for what has been a small challenge.
Anyhow, the upside to all of this is that my children seem to be adapting. We don't know a lot of people yet, but there seem to be a fair amount of kids their ages here. They put up with me going to Zumba and although Huntie is crying when I walk away, I think they are enjoying their time without me some as well. The kids have also been reminding me to smile very frequently lately, which also helps out a ton.
Yesterday morning when I was sitting in the living room with the kiddos I had to sneeze. Both the kids were engaged in a Phineas and Ferb show at the time. Anyhow, I sneezed and my 1.5 yr old turned around and looked at me with his angelic face and said "God Bless You". No kidding. I was totally taken by this moment. Unfortunately I had to sneeze again, and again my little cutie pants turned and looked at me and said "God Bless You". I couldn't believe it. I was smiling from ear to ear and had to scoop him right up and give him a hug.
Later that same day as I was putting Hay down for a nap she started reciting one of our favorite books , I Love You Stinky Face. She quoted the little kids part asking his mommy if she would still love him is he was a super smelly skunk who smelled so bad his name was stinky face. She then responded as the mommy saying she would give him a bubble bath, but if he still was stinky she wouldn't mind. She then said, " I would whisper in your ear, (and she leaned forward and whispered in my ear) I love you stinky face." Hay then sat back and smiled at me and I couldn't help but squish her and give her a huge hug and kiss.
These moments always make me pause and I actually feel that even though they drive me nuts sometimes, they are turning out pretty great. And that is what keeps me going each day and reminds me that quiting my job was one of the best things/gifts I could have done for myself.
First and foremost, I have found grownup time with other people is a definite must. I started going to Zumba which is only 1 hr three times a week and I am already a happier person. Even time with C is tough because he needs to spend time with the kids too so finding our moments has become both more challenging and more special in some ways.
Another issue I'm facing is going from being a well respected professional who could always find an answer or solution to being this lost female trying very hard not to mess up my kids. I used to be pretty good at my craft and I worked very hard at that for 7+ straight years. Now I am causing tantrums, hollering for kids to stay in bed, cleaning up the same sq foot of my house 10x per day and losing my mind sometimes. How could I have been so accomplished at one point in my life.
Finally, since we moved to a small town and I have moved 2x in 8 months (and am looking at another move to a different house in the same area soon) I feel a little lost here as well. A lot of our stuff is still in boxes (probably the best thing we did) and I forget where some things are at different points in my day/month. I am still looking for items I last saw in Yuma two months ago ... UGH! That coupled with having to learn a new place and where to go for what has been a small challenge.
Anyhow, the upside to all of this is that my children seem to be adapting. We don't know a lot of people yet, but there seem to be a fair amount of kids their ages here. They put up with me going to Zumba and although Huntie is crying when I walk away, I think they are enjoying their time without me some as well. The kids have also been reminding me to smile very frequently lately, which also helps out a ton.
These moments always make me pause and I actually feel that even though they drive me nuts sometimes, they are turning out pretty great. And that is what keeps me going each day and reminds me that quiting my job was one of the best things/gifts I could have done for myself.
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